the countdown begins

They say that every ending is a new beginning. They say that time heals. They say a lot of things I tried to tell myself for a long time. Today, they don’t say so much.

Someone recently said to me that success is defined within each of us. A successful life, this man said, will be yours if you follow your own truth. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you pin your self-worth to anything beyond your own self, anything beyond your own imagination, you risk crumbling with the loss, or ending, of that thing.

I almost cried when he said that. I thought this man would criticise my decision to make a change, pack up and see the world. I didn’t think he would understand my motive. I had judged his path by thinking I knew his next move, and when he made the opposite one, I realised I was in no way exempt from casting judgement. It’s funny how we are reflected in the faces of those around us. It’s funny how when we find ourselves disliking something about someone, we usually possess that same quality ourselves. None of us are perfect, but we can try and learn from our mistakes and let them mould us into a slightly improved version of ourselves.

I think if we seek change and progression, we will find it. If we seek to improve ourselves, develop our inner wisdom and learn to love again, the challenges we face become a necessary foundation for growth. We stop whinging. We stop creating drama and wishing things were different, and we start getting on with it.

You know when you’re not happy. You know when you wake up in the morning and drag yourself out of bed to live a life you feel you didn’t participate in creating. Whoever you are, whatever you have suffered, you can make changes to make yourself happier. But you have to stop talking about it and do something. The longer you sit there picking apart other peoples dreams the higher the risk you will never follow your own.

The endings are hard. The goodbyes can be devastating. My insides are grappling in anticipation of the blow. But the overwhelming emotion is met with an excitement, an energy that I have not known before. It’s overflowing. It feels as though my whole life has led me to this moment, where I get to begin again. I get to leave behind all the injustices and all the hurt. I get to forgive and be thankful that I created an opportunity out of something that tore my whole world apart.

This year has been a learning curve of epic proportions. I can barely begin to explain. I can’t even count how many times I fell down and got back up again. I skulked around in dark corners, eyes glazed in a drunken haze more times than I care to admit. You may have seen me there, once or twice, letting go of every last little piece of myself until it was just one perfect moment – no future, no past. I will not apologise. I believe my undoing was absolutely integral in redefining myself. But I will offer my deepest gratitude to those who stood by me, picked me up when I needed a hand and helped shoulder the burden. Those people taught me to believe again.

In no way am I saying there is not more work to be done. In every moment we get to begin again. But as I sit here and dust the corners of a lifetime of memories, stack the things I’ll keep and burn the things I should have burnt a long time ago, I’m embracing the next chapter. I could not have imagined feeling as full as I do right now. My friends have taught me so much about love, laughter and how a good bottle of red can spark the most inspiring of connections… Thanks to them I have been able to let go of an old version of myself and with that, a set of circumstances, dynamics and patterns. Redefined. More beautiful. Stronger. More unravelled and yet more together, than ever…

The countdown begins.

About a lifetime of lessons

Inspired by life. I love challenges and new experiences. On the brink of an adventure to discover, and rediscover... In the year of my thirtieth birthday I decided to throw in my job, put my money on red and take the gamble of a lifetime... a one way ticket... This blog documents my journey. Feel free to visit whenever you like, comment and follow my travels here :) View all posts by a lifetime of lessons

8 responses to “the countdown begins

  • beeyouteafullinc

    It’s true- that which we don’t like in others we can usually find in ourselves. Regardless of how much we try and convince ourselves that it’s not true. Great post!

  • Kate

    Oh Ame…warming goosebumps rush over me once again! I so wish I could read a whole book of your writing while I’m on the road babe… I really look forward to losing myself in your insights because I am always on the look out for a book that resembles the ‘eat pray love’ depth of self-reflection and honesty. So keep them coming…I feel so connected with your thoughts and disposition as I know where you’re coming from and the type of life you/we seek! Rowing that boat 😉 There is always at least one quote that strikes me & that hits so deep in your posts…”The challenges we face become a necessary foundation for growth”…I will be writing that one up on paper & sticking that up in the van for daily wisdom 🙂 Love you so much…I look forward to part 3….let the countdown begin! xoxooxoxoxoxoxo

    • a lifetime of lessons

      Oh thanks for your beautiful words Katie xx am so glad you’re enjoying reading… It’s all a process I’m realising, none of it will ever be perfect – some people will relate, others won’t – it doesn’t matter in the end 😉 I’m enjoying the ride! Talk soon xox

  • VoxRev

    Thank you. That was very inspiring. It gives me hope for myself.

  • kelstarj

    Happy travels Amy, bless u r brave and I am do proud of u. I will be with you every step of the way in spirit smiling and wishing u well. I hope you stay safe and yet take risks. I hope you stay warm but feel everything within deeply. I hope u feel strength and love and see the joy and reason in all things. I hope u don’t forget us here back home and yet you can cut the cords and find the new values and brilliance in this fresh new stage of your life. May your intuition and wisdom guide you to achieve all your desires and bring your dreams to fruition.
    Love heaps lots muchly,
    Kelstar xox

    • a lifetime of lessons

      Ohhh such beautiful words Kel!! Thankyou gorgeous girl =) I will endeavour to do all those things and more. Will be thinking of you & in touch… & hoping from every corner I find that you are smiling BIG. Much love xx

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