Rippling folds of velvet colour slipped gently into the night. And as the sun set, layering the edges of the day, she danced. She saw her life flash before her eyes, saw herself there, dancing her fears away ~ years later. A little old lady with white hair, fragile bones, skin too big for her shrinking frame. She saw her future self, converged with her current self, in one moment where everything stood still. I watched as she stared out at the blanket of darkness that fell from above, flecked with specks of brilliant gold. She danced alone, for in essence, we always are.
It’s a misconception to think that time is on our side. Even the longest hour, of the longest day ends eventually. Don’t be fooled. She did everything her heart desired. There is always time for that, perhaps time for that only. We are not immortal. Our lives have an end date. No matter who we are. No matter our age. No matter what, every beginning ends.
What would the future you tell today’s you? If you were sitting on the edge of your last days ~ what would you want to feel? What would you want to take with you? What would be most important? Rest assured, that day will come – you just may not know when it has arrived. You may get a warning. You may not. Maybe we have to face the darkest corners of ourselves, to really see the light. Maybe there isn’t a second to spare…
The milk swirled the other way. Caramel streams of golden honey filled the cracks, bending her edges into the malty elixir… of life. Blended into a velvety heaven, so real, yet so temporary. Gone in one insignificant moment. Devoured. Guzzled. Luxury. Guzzled. Gone.
My mind opened.
I had one of those moments today where life slaps you in the face. Hard. I’ve learnt life decides your next lesson and if you aren’t ready to learn it, it will be dished up – over and over – in a different disguise, until you are ready. Some people are destined to sit with that one lesson for the rest of their lives; others struggle through, knowing they can’t move onto the next one, until they resolve the first. Our character isn’t defined by the lessons themselves, but rather how we handle them.
Sometimes we have to redraw our own boundaries and realise what we previously perceived to be real, may be no longer. We cannot expect things to stay the same, even when we desperately wish for them to. Even if we fight to stand still, the world still moves beneath our feet. Whether we struggle or not, we’re moving anyway.
It was in this realisation I understood that we can’t expect others to meet our own standards – those standards are ours, and ours alone. This freed me, eventually. But I had to stop attaching myself to an outcome. Ultimately, it comes down to acceptance. And when I did let go of my expectations, I could look forward. And that did not necessarily mean an ending. It just meant things had evolved while I was clutching desperately at what I knew, wishing it wouldn’t change. But when it did, it was for the better anyway. The gap between what I saw and what was real was pretty damn big. I needed to break the rules. I needed to accept that growth can be awkward and uncomfortable, but if it means your moving, it’s a good thing. Finally I knew that until one really lets go, there is no room for what is needed in their life today. And while all that was going on – I had people reaching out to me, people who needed me and I was so busy reaching for something unattainable, I missed it.
Luckily life gives us second chances. Sometimes.