Do you ever get the feeling you are exactly where you are meant to be? That feeling filled me up the minute I fell into the chaos of Tribhuvan Airport in Kathmandu. Sweet, disorganised chaos.
I smiled my way through. It’s my way. And when I really like a place, it seems to be the kind of place where smiles work. They work almost like an unspoken currency – the people love it, I love them and suddenly they are happy, and I am happy. I haven’t wiped the smile off my face since I arrived.
But I know this place is going to tear me down. I know it’s going to break me, before it makes me. This place holds a challenge I have set that is unprecedented for me. A challenge that reflects new beginnings, a way forward and the notion that the hard work, will be worth it. It is about working with myself, and for myself. It is about helping myself get to where I want to be. It is about not knocking myself back, or doing things to sabotage my own progress – in my journey, in my relationships, in my life. It is a new chapter. It is about growing up and walking a path I began seven months ago. This for me is a personal pilgrimage of sorts. It represents many things. But most importantly, it represents a way forward into the unknown.
In two days I begin the Annapurna Base Camp trek. I don’t know if I am being adventurous or just plain stupid. I’m optimistic. I’m looking forward to getting out into the mountains, and to being in the thick of nature – it’s one of my favourite things. But I keep getting these little flashbacks of almost dying when I climbed Adam’s Peak in Sri Lanka a few months ago.
And as with every new beginning, I’m scared to commit to it. Especially in such a public space, because I don’t know how it’s going to end yet. I want to think that in two weeks time I’ll be writing some inspirational post about pushing through the hardest aspects of myself and getting to the other side. But the reality is, I may have overcommitted here. I may not make it.
If I do, I feel it will be proof to myself I can do anything. Perhaps any of us really are capable of achieving dreams, or climbing new mountains, if we put our mind to it. Perhaps.