It’s just another Monday morning. It’s calm. The birds are singing brightly, the cackle of kookaburras slices through grey skies that loom and threaten rain. It’s achingly familiar, and yet so very different.
I have a little bundle of fur by my side, locked into me, warm and wanting. At night I am climbing back into my soft bed and falling asleep quickly to drift off and explore foreign lands. I’m driving familiar streets, roads I have driven down a thousand times before, and yet they seem different. It’s still home. There is still comfort here.
And even though I’m dreaming, my eyes have opened. Things are realer. Things are clearer.
But it took some time for my feet to hit the ground. I came back and found myself avoiding certain aspects of this world. I wanted to take some parts, and leave others. Things I had once considered normal – were suddenly, not.
I found my mind frantic in supermarket aisles, jaded by fluorescent lights and endless rows of false delight. I found my heart heavy as it witnessed the way we waste, the way we worry, the way we spin stories about how hard-done-by we are… and I had to pull myself back, and remind myself it’s all relative.
The world is as big as it is small. Our environment, and surroundings, give our stories context. When you change the environment, you change the stories. And for some brief moments, I felt total disconnect from this environment I once knew so well. I could see clearly the stresses it places on people, the toxicity of its foundations and the flaws in its framework. And just for a short while, I found myself wishing I was lost in new smells, new sounds, new sights, and new spaces – all over again.
As I began to unpack a life I had left behind, I wondered how much I needed it still. These old memories I came back to, they didn’t feel like mine anymore. This old life, it suddenly felt like a thousand lifetimes ago. Much had changed on the inside. I felt cornered by self-imposed expectations for me to react as I had, and I found the implicit control of society, overbearing.
So I stepped back, and I looked up. And with honour for my past, and respect for the road that led me back here, I looked forward. I let go of a life I had left behind. I threw out a bunch of old photographs and instilled faith in my memory to remember the things dearest. But in letting go, I allowed the notion of those things dearest to be changeable. In this journey, I am ever-evolving. I am always growing. I am always moving. I am taking things at face value. I am open to new adventures, new chapters, new stories, new lessons, new lifetimes crammed into split seconds.
So yes, I am back. I invested in myself, and in doing so, I invested in those who make my world happier. So if something makes me feel uneasy, or unsteady, I am learning to look at that and calmly ask why? Here and now, I am surrounding myself with people who fill me up with love, and support me for who I am and the decisions I make – people who make my light shine brighter.
So here I am on a Monday morning, the same as many others, but today I begin a new chapter… I’m calling it ‘Home’.