Sometimes, we have to take a step back, before we can move forward. We have to go back to a place we’ve been before, to realise that we are in fact, somewhere different. And even though on the surface, everything looks just as you remembered it – it has changed, you have changed, and the world has changed.
Nothing stays the same. Everything moves fluidly, ebbing and flowing like the tide. Nothing is permanent. So you can be sure that if you feel amazing right now, it won’t last forever; and if life seems to be stacking up reasons why you can’t face another day, it too shall pass. This is the beauty of life. It is ever-changeable, temporary, and moving. Try as we might, we cannot control things. We cannot slow them down, or even stop them. And the more we try, the less control we actually have – and the more the world seems to fill us with fear, and doubt and an overwhelming need to grasp something to steady ourselves, something firm and tangible – something real. Therein lies the catch – to truly hold on, we have to let go. And when we finally do, we can move with the flow – we can trust that things are evolving just as they should, and we can discover the true beauty of stillness, and within, peace.
It’s been three months since I fell back on my feet. And just as my world expanded as I began my travels over twelve months ago, I felt it shrinking again. Suddenly I was back in the grind of work, and responsibility, and filling my car with petrol. I was wandering brightly lit supermarket aisles, blinded by choice and trying to decide which milk to buy. I was spinning my mind over possibilities – dreamt up and real, and all the sharp edges that each option presented. I wanted it all, yesterday. I came back so inspired, so driven by dreams and hopes and goals. It was all so doable. And suddenly, as my feet hit the ground, it all seemed so far away. I would lay and try and invoke the feelings that lifted me up so many miles from here, from my home. And as time wedged itself between me, and those memories, I wondered if I’d be able to remember details in one year, or two years, or ten. I wondered if here I would be able to create the same inspiration, and love for life.
And it suddenly became clear again – just as my thoughts fluttered in, I sent them spiralling back out; let it go. We can’t control it. We can shape it. But we cannot control it. We have a choice – there is always a choice – and in this case, I could charge through like a bull, or I could simply dance. We can skip over the surface of the things that needn’t consume us. We can let life carry us, on that wild and crazy roller-coaster ride that it is. We can let the ups inspire and exhilarate us, and we can allow the downs to teach and still us. We need both – they counterbalance each other. There is beauty in it all, if we choose to see it.
No matter what we do, or where we go, we carry our story with us. It is ingrained in our core, our every cell – so we needn’t worry about losing it, or forgetting it. On the rare occasions that we look back on certain aspects of our past, we may feel like we are looking back at someone else. There are things we don’t understand, things we are not proud of – but it is all part of the journey that led us here, to this point.
And it is here, at this point, I am pinching myself every single day for the love in my life, for the beauty I see all around me, and for daring to grow and move forward.
So I’m back, in this same space, where nothing has changed and yet everything is different. There are plans, and hopes, and dreams again. It’s Spring. There is new life, new growth and it’s beautiful. It follows the darkness and hibernation of winter – which too has it’s purpose. It is in winter we can regenerate, heal and fill ourselves with soft, warm, nurturing love. And soon again, light shines in and the season will change…